You know that popular TikTok trend, “If I ever won the lottery I wouldn’t tell anyone, but there would be signs”, and then people would show off their little quiet luxury dream item. They’d zoom in on a spoon but once you look up that piece of metal you’d typically use to slurp your soup, you’d find out it comes with a hefty $5,000 price tag or something like that. Ultimately, the general idea is that people will eventually tell on themselves one way or the other. And the sooner you learn to “clock” or “deep” how people are telling on themselves, the earlier to freedom you are.
Relationships are basically the same. Many times, people won’t walk up to you and say, “Hey, just so you know, I’m emotionally unavailable,” or “By the way, I can’t handle conflict in a healthy way.” But if you pay close attention, the signs are always there. And they usually show up early. So, here am I, virtually holding your hands and looking you dead in the eyes when I tell you to look out for these signs…
People just seem to feel “off” about the person…except you.
Sometimes we just need to stop gaslighting ourselves. You can tell your mama, daddy, auntie, cousin and bus driver feels some type of way about this person. You know why? They’re not being 100% authentic and people can tell. Take off the love goggles and face the hard truth that the person you think you see in front of you may not be who they really are.
Why you still mad bruv?
I once heard of a couple who ended years of a relationship over a disagreement over a remote. Personally, I also knew it was over in my relationship when an argument over a cup persisted till the next day. I promise you, it’s never that deep — they just struggle to let things go. Every couple argues, but the time it takes to bounce back is critical depending on the gravity of the issue. If disagreements drag on and feel like silent punishments, that’s less about healthy conflict and more about emotional immaturity.
“Hold on, lemme take this call from my mom”
Then they proceed to enter into the secret closet leading to Narnia. Don’t get me wrong, introducing romantic relationships to your already existing relationships takes time. However, there’s an unhealthy amount of time and secrecy that can surround that issue that raises a flag. Stop gaslighting yourself. You’re thinking you’re on your way to the altar with this person yet their family members still think you’re one of their little crushes… If you’re always on the outside, it’s a sign of how they see the relationship.
Dip your chicken nuggets in sweet n sour sauce, not your heart…
I said what I said. Contrasting flavours are for meals, not your relationship. Dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is not the thrill you need in a healthy relationship. One day they’re texting all the time, the next they’re distant. One week they’re talking future, the next they’re “not sure what they want.” — This ain’t it. Your heart and your emotions require stability and healthy love should feel more like a car on cruise control than a roller coaster ride. Inconsistency might not sound like a red flag, but it’s often the loudest one.
Just like the TikTok trend, not everyone will announce who they really are. But if you look closely, there’ll be signs. The trick is having the humility and courage to notice them before you’re in too deep. So here’s your reminder: if the garbage smells off, don’t wait till it’s full, just throw it out.
If you’ve got your own “there were signs” story, share it with us. Your story could be the sign someone else needs to see. Submit your story here or email us at [email protected].
Your story could be the sign someone else needs to see.